Apple Pie and a Coconut Milk PSAs

When selecting which can of coconut to buy at the grocery store, these are the proper steps to take.
Step One: Determine that what you are buying is coconut milk
This is a quick ingredients check - the only acceptable ingredients are coconut and water.  Sometimes the can will tell you what % of the can is coconut, sometimes it will list coconut solids as an ingredient - that's all fine.  We don't care, as long as there isn't anything but coconut and water.  The calorie check in the next step replaces your interest in the percent of coconut solids.
Step Two: Determine how many calories are in each can of coconut milk
There are two methods.  You can multiply the calories per serving by the number of servings... but servings are often approximate.  (For example an 11 oz can might say a serving is 3 oz and that there are about 3.5 servings, but that's only 10.5 oz!  And now you're missing calories.)  I like to do the more complex method to determine how many calories are in an ounce (divide calories per serving by number of ounces in a serving) and then multiply by the number of ounces that are in the can.  Now that you know how many calories are in the can, your instinct should be to buy the can with the most calories, not the one with the least!  But first factor in cost.
Step Three:  Determine your calories per dollar
I don't consider tax - I don't like to over-complicate things.  (Obviously.)  I think of this measurement as the cost per calories, but if you do the math that way, the number is too small to feel significant.  For example, for $3.69 I can buy a can of coconut milk that contains 860 calories.  The cost per calorie is .043 cent ($.0043) - less than half a penny.  So I figure out calories per dollar instead - about 233 calories/$1.00 - not bad.

Regardless, when purchasing coconut milk always buy the can with the most calories per dollar!  If your recipe calls for lite coconut milk, you should find a new recipe.  Or if you really like that recipe, you can water it down, but no one will thank you.

Also, just another PSA here - If you're not bringing a calculator to the grocery store, you're doing it wrong.  If you don't know how to pull up a calculator on your phone, I can't talk to you anymore.  That being said, I usually do the approximate math in my head.  For fun.  Because usually there's a pretty clear winner early on and you don't have to actually count pennies.  Or, you buy your coconut milk at the same grocery store you always buy coconut milk at, so you already know which one is going to win and you're just doing the math for fun.

Relatedly, anyone who tells a child they don't need algebra as an adult is lying.  People who don't use algebra on the regular are living horrible boring lives.  Algebra is always useful and - more importantly - it is always fun!

Anyway.  I got off topic.  My sister had this recipe marked in a library book.  I was skeptical, because it is called dessert, but there is no sugar.  But the coconut milk is plenty sweet and I think the fattiness makes up for it.  Just like how when you take your beaters and bowl out of the freezer to start whipping your heavy cream, you might take out the sugar, too, thinking you'll probably end up adding some, but once you taste it you forget all thoughts of adding sugar.  (Whoa, if you're adding sugar to your whipped cream we need to have another talk.)

Here is a recipe for pie, not whipped cream:

Ingredients:

crust:
1/2 c teff flour
1/2 c almond flour
5 T coconut oil (approx)

filling:
2 apples
1/2 cup coconut milk
1 t cinnamon

for the crumble:
2 T almond flour

Oven to 350
Start with the crust - the only way to do this is with your hands, adding coconut oil very slowly until the crust just sticks together.  I've made this about five times now, and I recommend .
I have a big flat tart plan, but I prefer to make this in my set of two pot-pie pans - they're really deep with a small diameter.  I divide the dough into two and shape it in my hands to be a flat disc, and shape it into the bottom and around the edges of the pan.  If you add too much oil, the dough slides down to the bottom.  I'd say you could chill it and then try again, but no one likes to wait for dessert, and plus the final product will be too oily.
Throw the crust into the oven for about ten minutes while you prepare the filling.

Peel and chop your apples, mix in the cinnamon, and then pour on the coconut milk and mix thoroughly.  Taste.  Just because it's delicious.

Take your crust out of the oven and fill it to overflowing with apple goodness, bake about an hour.  Oh!  Don't forget to put 1/4 c of almond meal on the top for crunchiness!  I always forget, it doesn't really matter.

If you are sure it is done before the hour is up, that's fine.  But you should know, you're probably wrong, this is best when the apples are mushy.  But I get it - I mean, it's also best when you let it cool down to almost room temperature.  So.  Good luck with that.  It really is delicious, I swear.

No one wants sugar in there pie anymore.